Five Star Reviews

Is there a moment in your week that you dread?

How about Monday morning?

You open your computer and just like every week, you have an inbox with emails providing you with feedback on the Sunday service. Your heart sinks. Time to suck it up and start reading.

I have spoken to many church leaders and this experience isn’t uncommon. It’s just part of the job. I have to take it on the chin. I think, sadly, it’s more likely that many church leaders take it ‘in the heart’.

And that’s not good. Nor is it right.

So, how is a church leader supposed to deal with feedback?

WE ARE BUT DUST

Church leaders are no different from anyone else in the congregation. They’re made of flesh and blood. And they feel things deeply. If anything, they feel things more deeply than most, since they’re in a people-facing, caring profession, that makes them sensitive to the views of others.

When a leader is criticised over and over again—sometimes for something unwarranted, minor, or petty—it takes its toll. Words are extremely powerful. They leave marks in the soul. Perhaps you’re in this category. It’s wearing you down. Is there anything you can do?

Here are some suggestions, that might help.

TRUST A WISE ADMINISTRATOR

Some leaders believe they owe it to their members to read every email. Every single one. I won’t attempt to dissuade you. However, one of the features of feedback is that very often, there are one or two members who make it their goal in life to provide you with a running commentary. Are you obligated to read every word of this commentary? I don’t think so. A good administrator can help weed out the regular moans and groans. Geoffrey sent one about the volume of the music again. Okay, thanks. And Maureen thought the coffee was weak. Do we need to follow that up? I tasted it; it was fine, so you know, I’ll handle that one.

In short, try to lighten your load by partnering with a trusted administrator. If feedback really gets you down, your primary obligation is NOT to read every email. It’s to focus on serving the church well, and if delegating some of those emails to another is the best way to do that, then do it.

ASSESSING THE LEVELS

Which feedback matters? Questions about coffee, leaflets, cleaning issues, these are relatively easy to deal with. Conflict between people, that’s something quite different. And as for challenges about your theology, that can cause considerable heartache. So, it’s at this point, I’d like to question the whole idea of feedback.

IT’S UBIQUITOUS

We live in a culture of constant feedback. You just bought a pen. Amazon wants your feedback. We face a daily barrage of requests for feedback. This has fed into our church culture, with the result that churches now request it, and people seek the opportunity to provide it. This is ill-conceived for a number of reasons.

First, the dynamic is all wrong.

Feedback is related to one party providing a service to another. This is most common among businesses. Feedback is essential to businesses, because it’s a critical element in the way they market themselves. When we fill out feedback forms, it’s not the information that really counts. What’s important to them is that you’re interacting with the company. They want your attention, so you remember them next time you purchase.

What about the Church?

Is the Church a business? No, it isn’t, nor should it present itself as such. First and foremost, the Church is a family. The most common characterisation of the Church in the New Testament is to frame our relationships as ‘brothers and sisters in the Lord’. We are a family, and we are called to ‘love one another’ (John 13.34), bear with one another (Col 3.13), and carry one another’s burdens (Gal 6.2).

So, why do we keep requesting feedback?

CONSUMER CHURCH

Sadly, it’s because churches often see themselves as organisations in a marketplace. They are competing for believers, and they think that if they serve their ‘customers’ well, then their congregations will grow. It’s borne of insecurity and fear. Insecure about what ‘the people are thinking’. Fear of losing people. Hence the need to ‘serve our church family better’. Perhaps that’s why it’s so insidious. Feedback is presented as something positive—serving people better—when, in reality, its roots emerge from plain fear. Our members have gone to the church down the street. What are they doing that we’re not? Let’s do a survey to find out what people want.

No church leader goes into leadership in order to ‘grow a business’. At least, they shouldn’t.

Church leaders desire to serve the Lord by serving his people. Not the other way round.

We don’t find out what the people want in order to serve the Lord.

The Bible is particularly helpful in this regard. In the desert, Moses wasn’t exactly getting five star reviews, was he? And frankly, why didn’t God simply fire Jacob? He was hardly a leader worth a glowing review. As for Jesus, people left him in droves. Even the disciples tottered on the edge of abandoning their leader. And indeed, some did. From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him (John 6.66). Yet he had no interest whatsoever in changing course and ‘pleasing his people’.

PEOPLE PLEASING

If you’re a people-pleaser, feedback is particularly damaging for you. The urge to find approval is a death sentence for a leader. First, it destroys faith, transferring it from God to people. Second, it undermines conviction. Instead of leading from a secure foundation and a vision founded upon God, the ground beneath your feet is ever moving and changing according to the whims of the people. Third, it feeds greater and greater fear and insecurity. After all, the approval from one feedback form can quickly change to disapproval the following week.

Does this mean that feedback is of no value at all?

Actually, no. Back to those levels.

If the door isn’t being left open for the cleaners, or the toilets aren’t being cleaned properly, this is important information. But don’t take it personally. Simply respond to a justifiable criticism, and get those toilets cleaned! Better still, let your administrator deal with all those things.

Criticism that rises through those levels, though, that can be hard. Criticism of people, conflict, and even the questioning of our theology, that can be hard to take. Gather around you wise friends, who can help you respond in a godly way.

• Seek wisdom at all times.

• Trust the Lord to strengthen you.

• Avoid defensiveness.

• Take responsibility when appropriate.

• Apologise, if necessary.

• Be gracious.

• Remember who you are.

CONVICTION, NOT FEEDBACK

The reality is, great leaders lead from conviction, not feedback forms. They listen to the flock, but they don’t respond to every whim of the flock. They place value on what the Bible places value on, like their own spiritual lives, and humble service of the church along with godly elders. The vision they cast for the church comes from a strength of conviction, rooted in a direct relationship with the Lord.

They listen not to people primarily, but the Spirit. They are Spirit-led.

Yes, they also listen to wise counsellors around them, but that’s because they value the work of God’s Spirit in others around them, whom God has appointed.

THE MOST IMPORTANT FEEDBACK OF ALL

Ultimately, though, the feedback they value most of all, is the feedback from their Saviour. Nothing matters more than the opinion of the Lord Jesus. He is the one who forgave his best friend, Simon Peter. He has a forgiving heart. He went through agonies for your sake. His grace is limitless, and his armour is powerful and strong. It will protect you even from ‘friendly fire’ from your own side.

So, look to Jesus first. Serve him with fervour and conviction.

Next Monday, before you open your computer or trawl through paper forms, stop to pray first. Remember that God is with you; he loves you. He has your back. Remember his feedback is the kind that really matters. It’s feedback that affirms his extraordinary love and grace.

Now you’re ready to start reading a comment from Gerald, who was disappointed when the coffee ran out last week.

How can you find a way to serve Gerald this coming week?

Out of love, not because he completed a feedback form.