‘I’ve had enough, Lord!’ I exclaimed out loud, as I flopped onto the grass.
I was in the middle of a garden maze on the final day of a retreat. The frustration and weariness of navigating the twists and turns of the path seemed to mirror my own frustrations and weariness about life. A long season of heart-breaking hurdles had worn me down.
So, the words exploded out of me. ‘I’ve had enough, Lord!’
It was the cry of a weary child, who was scared and unsure if she had the resources to get through the next hard season. But more than just an expression of exhaustion and fear, it was an appeal for the suffering to stop. Like a wrestler in the ring, who says, ‘I’m tapping out. I can’t go another round! I’m too wounded and weary.’
Have you ever felt like this?
When we’re drowning in these feelings, it’s easy to believe we are the only one who has ever felt like this. Self-pity can threaten to overwhelm us, along with a nagging sense that we shouldn’t entertain these thoughts, let alone say them to the sovereign God of the universe.
In that moment, we are faced with a choice. Acknowledge these feelings and press into them with God, or push them aside and pretend they don’t exist. Reapply the veneer of ‘It’s OK, I’m OK’, and carry on.
For me, in that moment, I had no more emotional reserves to keep going and I finally had to press in. The Lord, in his kindness, met me in a special way, and reminded me that I am not the first of his children to say these words to him.
HEY THERE, ELIJAH!
In 1 Kings 17, we meet the prophet Elijah for the first time as he confronts King Ahab with the news that the land of Judah will face a drought ‘for the next few years’. We know little about Elijah except that he is a Tishbite and that he serves the Lord.
Elijah’s life is one of twists and turns. Here’s a short recap.
The Lord leads him to a ravine where he is fed by ravens. He drinks from a brook. ‘Some time later’, we’re told, ‘the brook dried up’, so he moves in with a widow and her son, whom the Lord feeds with oil and flour that never run out. ‘Some time later’, God answers Elijah’s prayers to bring the widow’s son back from the dead. ‘After a long time, in the third year’, the Lord sends Elijah to Ahab and he ends up in a face-off with the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. In one of the most dramatic scenes in the Old Testament, Elijah humiliates the prophets, who call vainly on Baal to consume their sacrifice. When it’s Elijah’s turn, he calls down fire from heaven, that immediately consume his sacrifices. His triumph is met with public acclamation. When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, ‘The Lord—he is God! The Lord—he is God!’ (1 Kings 18.39) Baal has been shown to be a false god. Not only that, but Elijah then executes divine justice by slaughtering all four hundred and fifty prophets.
A highpoint in his life, right?
Yet, he finds himself in immediate danger. On hearing the news, Ahab’s wife, Jezebel, sends a message to Elijah, telling him that she intends to kill him. Scared out of his wits, Elijah abandons his servant and runs for his life into the wilderness. It is here, as he sits under a broom bush, that Elijah utters the words I am so intimately familiar with.
‘I’ve had enough, LORD’.
1 Kings 19.4b
In one way you can see why, can’t you? What a few years he’s had!
He has antagonised a king, lived in the wilderness, declared a famine over the land, confronted disease, and gone up against the biggest religious powers of the day. Now he finds himself on the run for his life. Literally.
What exhausting experiences.
On the other hand . . . what a few years he’s had!
He has served the Lord with great courage, and the Lord has provided for him in dramatic and miraculous ways. He has seen answers to prayer in ways few of us could ever imagine. In fact, because of his courage and obedience, God has responded by demonstrating his power and glory in ways that have literally gone down in the history books!
So, what are we to make of Elijah as he collapses beneath a bush and calls upon God to take his life? How does the Lord respond?
Personally, I have learned two encouraging lessons from God’s response. I hope you will find them encouraging too. Especially if you ever find yourself in despair.
ORDINARY NEEDS MET IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY
It may be stating the obvious but Elijah is physically spent. Scholars differ on the exact distance he ran but it’s much like an ultra-marathon. Or several ultra-marathons. During a heavy rainstorm, he ran about fifteen miles from Mt. Carmel to Jezreel. (1 Kings 18.46) After that, he ran from Jezreel to Beersheba—about 95 miles (1 Kings 19.3). He achieved this after a sleepless night on a mountain and years of famine. No wonder he’s exhausted.
What’s more, Elijah is alone.
In an ill-advised move, Elijah has chosen to leave his servant behind in Beersheba and travel a further day alone into the middle of nowhere. So, when he flops to the ground under a bush, there is no one with him to tend to him or talk to him.
And yet . . .
Though Elijah calls on the Lord to end his life, this is a prayer that is met with a resounding ‘no’. Instead, an angel wakes Elijah and invites him to eat some food provided by the Lord. Let’s zoom in there. God could have woken Elijah with a voice, but he had an angel do it with a touch. God meets Elijah’s loneliness with the tangible presence of the angel.
Then the food.
He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.
1 Kings 19.6a
Freshly baked bread and a jar of water. You know when someone brings you a tray of food and drink when you’re ill in bed? It is more than just provision; it is tenderness and care.
Elijah sleeps twice and eats twice, and this is sufficient to revive him.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I wonder how you’re doing right now? If you feel exhausted and are on the verge of saying, ‘I’ve had enough,’ it’s worth considering your physical condition. Do you need to hear God’s call to sleep and eat? Do you need to know God’s physical provision first, before you press further into God’s truth for you in this season?
Perhaps it doesn’t seem enough—what difference could two good nights of sleep and a meal make? But just look at what the Lord is able to achieve.
Strengthened by that food, he travelled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God. There he went into a cave and spent the night.
1 Kings 19.8-9
Forty days and forty nights! After a little food and some sleep.
I hope this encourages you. God is able to take a little, and make much of it. Miraculously and powerfully. He can do the same for you.
LIES OF DESPAIR BANISHED BY GOD’S PRESENCE
Elijah believes a lie.
I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.
1 Kings 19.10b
He believes he’s all alone, when in reality, he’s never been alone.
This lie—that’s he’s all alone—is at the root of his despair. And what is God’s response?
First, his presence. But not a powerful presence. He’s not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire. He draws near with a gentle whisper. A still, small voice.
Elijah knows all about God’s power; he has seen it first-hand many times. But what Elijah needs to learn is that God can also come in a whisper. There is a tenderness and intimacy here. To be heard, a whisperer must be nearby.
You are not alone, Elijah. God is near.
Neither, reader, are you alone. God is near to you as a whisperer, even in your despair. Nearer than a whisper, God’s Spirit is in you. Ask the Lord to open your eyes to see how near he is to you today.
Second, God shatters Elijah’s ‘alone’ lie with truth and much-needed support.
Go back the way you came … anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet … I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.
1 Kings 19.15a, 16b, 18
You are not alone, Elijah. Don’t believe the lie. God has thousands in Israel just like you, and you have a new servant and companion, Elisha, waiting to succeed you in this mission. Go back the way you came and find them!
Neither are you alone, reader. Don’t believe the lie. Through Christ, you have been brought into God’s family, the church. It is vast, covering the globe, and yet it contains individuals nearby who are happy and willing to draw near to you and support you.
So, let me leave you with some questions:
Do you believe any lies about yourself or God that could be at the root of your despair?
Do you need to embrace more fully a particular truth about God and his plans for you?
If you need it, is there someone from whom you could seek help today—a person who could walk with you as you seek God’s presence and provision?
God was near to Elijah as he collapsed under that bush with his cry of “Enough!”
God was near to me on the grassy floor of that maze, as I cried out ‘Enough!’
God is near to you as you cry out ‘Enough!’ May you receive fresh encouragement from him and find fresh support today.
An important note from the author: My hope is that the above is an encouragement to the downcast. However I want to acknowledge that for some, the declaration ‘I’ve had enough’ can mean something more profound and life-endangering. (Elijah himself was asking for death.)
If you think you might be experiencing clinical depression, including thoughts of hopelessness, or that it would be better off if you didn’t exist, and especially if you find yourself thinking of ways you could end your life—seek help, urgently! Contact your GP, a pastoral care giver or close friend, or call the Samaritans on 116 123 (who are available to talk 24/7).