I feel like an impostor.
It’s a thought that afflicts many church leaders at some point in their lives of ministry.
It’s often followed by . . .
I’m no good at this job. I’m making this up as I go along, so people are going to find me out. Perhaps I should quit now.
A lot has been written about impostor syndrome, and I encourage you to Google some helpful posts out there that tackle the subject.(i) But while you’re with me today, some brief thoughts on how to respond to this bête noire.
Impostor syndrome can emerge from deep wells of insecurity. It can be paralysing and demoralising, so it’s important to confront it directly. Let’s start with the word ‘impostor’.
Here’s the dictionary definition.
A person who practices deception under an assumed character, identity, or name.
Jesus spoke about such people.
Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognise them.
Matt 7.15-16a
Genuine impostors are too busy leading people astray to worry about impostor syndrome. They’re often manipulative, proud, and focused on their ‘careers’. They would be untouched by a post like this one. How do we identify them? Jesus tells us it’s by their fruit. (Jim Crooks wrote a helpful post on fruit a few weeks ago.)
So, here’s my first encouragement. If you experience impostor syndrome, it’s almost always a sign that you’re NOT an impostor. More often it’s a sign that you’re experiencing some doubts and insecurities about the role you’ve taken on.
DOUBLE-MINDED
At its heart, the feeling of being an impostor may simply be the result of self-doubt, a lack of conviction about your beliefs. There are some tough words about this in the book of James.
But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.
James 1.6-7
These verses relate to prayer, but they give a picture of one who is ‘double-minded’ (v.8). Being double-minded is a character trait, and not a good one. Instead of holding fast to our convictions, and stepping out in faith, we waver, and having wavered, we feel like frauds. The first of our responses, therefore, should be to remind ourselves of our convictions, grounded in Scripture.
CHRISTIAN CBT
Speak truth to your heart. Ground that truth in the Bible. I call this ‘Christian CBT’. As the title of a very good book on the subject makes clear, it’s ‘Telling Yourself the Truth.’ (ii)
You are ‘a new creation’ (2 Cor 5.17), ‘dearly loved’ (Col.3.12), ‘chosen’ (John 15.16), ‘destined for glory’ (Rom 8.30). You are also ‘saved by grace’ (Eph 2.8), ‘justified’ (Rom 5.1), and ‘filled with the Holy Spirit’ (Acts 2.38; 2 Tim 1.7).
When we face struggles, Jesus in the wilderness is our model. As he did when he confronted Satan, we should speak out Scriptural truth to ourselves, and in the heavenly realms. It does us good, lifting our hearts, and we can be assured that our spiritual battle is already won because of what Christ has accomplished for us.
And that’s all fine and necessary. However, the practice of speaking truth to ourselves is something we probably do regularly already.
It is healthy, encouraging, and effective . . . but . . .
To confront impostor syndrome, we often need something more targeted. The verses above apply to all Christians, but ‘church leader imposter syndrome’? That’s a specific experience. We need to target some erroneous thinking that underpins it.
I’M NOT WORTHY
A heavy responsibility sits on many leaders’ shoulders. Here I am, interpreting God’s word. He’s almighty, pure, and holy . . . Who do I think I am!? Our inner ‘burning-bush-encountering Moses' constantly threatens to overwhelm us. I can’t do this! I’m not worthy!
One of the signs that Satan is at work is when a believer feels a general sense of discouragement. Satan is the great deceiver, and he achieves his goal by a drip, drip diet of lies and half-truths. By dealing in generalities and half-truths, he makes the attacks hard to counter. For example, we know, deep down, that we’re not worthy. Of course not, we’re sinners. That much is true, but it’s not the whole truth, because of course we’re saved by grace. The half-truth therefore threatens to overwhelm the whole truth, which is that we’re covered by grace, dearly loved, and made worthy by the righteousness of our Saviour.
When we’re feeling insecure or discouraged, the half-truth can make us feel like a fraud.
Those verses I mentioned above are the anchor, the resource that we need. That’s certainly true. But we may need more. If you’re feeling isolated and discouraged, it’s essential to talk to someone. Absolutely essential. You may have brothers or sisters you can talk to. We at Living Leadership can also help. Don’t just hope that things will improve. Take action today, if you’re feeling the heavy weight of unworthiness.
Your worthiness depends every moment of every day not on your abilities or what people say about you, but on the Lord Jesus and the grace that covers you. He has clothed you with righteousness. How amazing is that!?
It may be, however, that you don’t struggle with a feeling of unworthiness, but incompetence. Leading a church is hard, and when things don’t go well, you can feel the weight of the world.
I’M NO GOOD AT MY JOB
It may be that you lack confidence in your abilities. Or it could be that the conflict, the back-biting, the workload, it’s all getting to you. It’s become overwhelming. There are many reasons why a leader comes to believe they’re an impostor, but ‘drowning in my job’ is a common one.
To be honest, I have no idea if you’re good at your job or not. And it would be foolish to offer you some Disney feel-good sentiments to massage your ego. What I do know is that ‘being good at your job’ has nothing to do with whether you’re an impostor. As the definition makes very clear, an impostor is a deceiver. Yet no church leader is an impostor who serves the Lord faithfully. You may be a confident leader or one who feels insecure; you may have a thriving church or one in turmoil, but if you seek the Lord with humility, entrusting yourself to him daily, then you’re not an impostor. Simple as that. Believe it. Speak it out to yourself. Tell yourself the truth.
The reality is, your troubles have nothing to do with whether you’re an impostor. In fact, these troubles may have arisen because of your faithfulness, because you are speaking truth to people resistant to it. So, be encouraged. Remain faithful. Trust the Lord.
OTHERS THINK I CAN’T DO MY JOB
This final one, I believe, only has power if you’re a people-pleaser. To kill a fire, you cut off its oxygen supply. You must do the same. To deal with this lie, it’s necessary to tackle your insecurities regarding ‘what others think’. Again, at Living Leadership, we’re here to help.
Was Moses an impostor? All that grumbling in the desert, that must have really stuck in his craw. After all he’d done, his feedback forms were coming back with one stars. You may feel the same. I have given my all, and they still criticise me! You know why it hurts? Because you care about your people and serving them well. Impostors don’t respond that way.
So, today, be encouraged. Slay the dragon of impostor syndrome with some meditation on God’s word. Remind yourself of all the Lord has done for you. No one can cut you off from the deep love of your Saviour. Even now, he intercedes for you (Heb 7.25; Rom 8.34). Imagine that. He’s praying for you right now.
Trust him. Serve him. Love him. Be at peace.
He will never leave you. He loves you.
(i) A link to an article on imposter syndrome, by Sam Allberry. https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/feel-christian-imposter/
(ii) Telling Yourself the Truth. William Backus & Marie Chapian. Bethany House. 2000. I highly recommend this book for all sorts of reasons. It is full of wisdom and also very practical.