I’d like to introduce you to two of my friends. I call them Konrad and Waclaw. You can see their photo here (right).
I became a reluctant user of trekking poles about five years ago. Before that, I’d seen people using them, including some very young people, moving at astonishing speed over rugged terrain. However, in my manly pride, I’d always thought, ‘They’re great—for those who need them.’
But then I tore my calf muscle, a running injury which then ran on for a long time. Every time I thought it was safe to exercise, it would ‘go’ again. Now, I had two things coming up for which I was desperate to be fighting fit. Or at least, dancing fit, as one of them was my daughter's twenty-first birthday party—a barn dance. I wanted to be able to dance with my daughter, stripping the willow with gusto. The other event, a couple of weeks later, was a rare trip to the Lakes to walk the hills. So, the party came, and I did dance, (you shall go to the ball!), though by the end of the evening I was paying for it. In fact, I suspected I'd set back my recovery.
And the walking trip? I was going alone, and didn't fancy getting halfway up a mountain only to be rendered immobile. I was feeling gloomy and pessimistic. Then, at the back of a cupboard, I stumbled upon a trekking pole of my mother’s, discovered while clearing out her flat. To cut a long story short, I was astonished at what a difference this one pole (at this stage) made. I quickly acquired a pair and was away. So helpful were they that I’ve continued using them long after my calf muscle has healed.
Why are they so helpful? Several reasons.
I walk much faster with poles. There’s an obvious gain when moving over muddy ground, as the extra points of stability enable you to move your feet more quickly. Going uphill, it’s like having your own portable bannister rail. Going downhill, they’re even better, since they stabilise you while also taking weight off your knees.
It’s that final factor where their lasting value lies; they take a huge strain off your joints. I see them now as an investment in my future (albeit my temporal future). Surely, if my poles enable me to continue enjoying God’s wonderful world in twenty-five years’ time, it must be worth it.
So, I thank the Lord for my pole-ish friends.
THE NEED FOR FRIENDS
As on the hills, even more so in life. Boy, do we need friends! Bill Withers was absolutely right—we all need ‘somebody to lean on’. Friends provide points of stability. They help us when we are going uphill, and they’re there for us when we descend into the depths. Friends share the strain.
Friends help us to keep on going and going and going.
Why then, at times, do we only see our need for them once we’ve been forced into a debilitating situation? This shouldn’t be true for those in Christian ministry, but for some reason, it is. Is it because my generation has grown up with a rather individualistic pietism? Do we feel, somehow, that for Christian leaders, Christ should be enough?
How out-of-step this is with the example of Jesus, who valued his own friends highly. Yes, they deserted him at the toughest point, but still he wanted Peter, James, and John with him in the garden. He valued not only their prayer support but also their physical proximity. (Matt 26.36-46). The apostle Paul also knew the value of good friends, along with the pain of abandonment (Demas; 2 Tim 4.10). Of course, friendships take time and effort. Sometimes they are inconvenient, and it may seem more efficient to plough on alone.
But this is a false economy.
DIFFERENT KINDS OF FRIENDS
Friendship is like an array of multifaceted gems. It comes in different shapes and sizes. Maybe a handful of very good friends from our youth have stayed with us. These are to be valued very highly. It is definitely harder to make new friends later in life. I also appreciate the companionship of my younger colleagues, and like to think of them as friends. (They like to think of me as Grandad!) In addition, I have many friends in our church fellowship. I don't buy into the notion that the pastor should avoiding building friendships in the local church, though we’re wise to appreciate the dangers and limitations. In particular, there is something very special about friendships forged in leadership teams. They are often deepened by facing fiery trials together.
A CLOSE-KNIT GROUP
I’ve also learned to be intentional about building friendships with people with whom I can share, and who ask searching questions. I’m so thankful for my small ‘brotherhood’ group that meets every few months. I didn’t know some of them very well when we started, but (rather like a marriage) we committed to each other and now, after a dozen years or so, I highly value their support, encouragement, and friendship. When we’re due to meet up, it never seems convenient; I often think I can’t spare the time. Yet again and again, I come away thinking, ‘Yes, that did me good; I really needed that!’ I’m so thankful to the Lord for them.
I’ve also appreciated various older men over the years who have listened, asked questions, and prayed for me. One of these friendships has fallen into abeyance recently, and I feel its lack. Outside the church, I have also come to appreciate the friendship of my hockey team-mates, most of whom are not believers. My awareness of our shared humanity certainly enhances my life.
A FRIENDSHIP IN THE BIBLE
One of the most touching moments in the Old Testament occurs in 1 Samuel 23. Previously, David and King Saul’s son, Jonathan, had sworn friendship to each other. Now here is David, on the run from Saul, hiding out in the Desert of Ziph. In verse sixteen we read, ‘And Saul’s son, Jonathan, went to David at Horesh and helped him to find strength in God.’ This was costly for Jonathan. Not only did he risk his father’s wrath, but by supporting David, he was promoting David’s cause against his own claim as heir to the king. But this is what good believing friends do for one another. They help each other to find strength in God.
When that happens, it’s beautiful.
GOD’S FRIENDSHIP
Why is friendship so important? Because it matters to God.
In John 15, the Lord Jesus holds friendship up as one of the most valuable qualities of all.
Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.
John 15.13-15
We are, of course, God’s children, but we are also his friends.
And he calls us into bonds of friendship in the church.
The Bible is clear. The examples of David and Jonathan (and Konrad and Waclaw) are also clear. If we want to continue in Christian ministry for the long haul, and if we want to live fruitful lives for decades to come, we’re wise to invest in friendship.
For our own sakes, and for the sake of the gospel.