How was your 2024?
For me personally, two thoughts stand out.
I never expected the year I had. Nor would I have chosen it.
God’s loving purposes continue to amaze me.
This is not the first time I’ve had the opportunity to learn these lessons, and it probably won’t be the last. This year, it will be fifty years since our second son, Barnaby, died suddenly at just eleven weeks old. The following day, we visited a Christian book shop seeking something to help us in our grief, and we bought a small plastic plaque with the words ‘My grace is sufficient for thee’ (2 Cor 12.9). That plaque has travelled with us over the years and is still on display in our lounge today. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of a simple and yet profound truth.
God will never leave us, nor forsake us.
I’ve now reached my mid-seventies and, until a certain incident last year, I considered myself to be fairly fit and healthy. Although I knew I was aging, I thought I was good for at least another ten years. So, it was something of a shock when I started to struggle with breathlessness. Last March (2024), I was admitted to hospital and ended up having open heart surgery to repair a valve. There followed a period of several months when I was re-admitted to hospital four more times. Eventually, in August, I was diagnosed with late onset asthma, and prescribed the regular use of an inhaler. This radically improved my day-to-day health and I’m currently doing really well.
So what have I learned through these experiences?
I’M NOT IN CONTROL
The first thing I’ve learned is that I am not in control. Isn’t that obvious? Well, of course it is! But like so many simple truths, we need to learn them over and over again. Certainly, my illness and my need to rely entirely on others (many of whom I didn’t know) have reminded me of how weak I am.
But it’s precisely through my weakness that my confidence in God’s fatherly care and loving purposes has been strengthened. I have seen clearly that he is in control and that his agenda is so much more significant than mine.
AVOIDING COMPARISONS
One lesson I've learned is that I don’t need to compare myself with others. We all respond to crises differently, of course, but in my case, I felt a pressure ‘to do it well’, ‘to be a radiant witness’. So, I needed to be reminded that my performance isn’t the central issue. What’s important is what God wants to accomplish in me and through me. The apostle Paul writes about this in his letter to the Philippians.
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Phil 1.6
Through this experience, I believe I’ve lived out this verse. He has worked in me, and is refining me still. He will carry on this work to completion.
In truth, while I was in hospital, I often found it hard to concentrate; prayer was a struggle. However, I was astonished at how much peace I felt even when things weren’t going well. My experience of God’s love, which drove out the fear of death, was deeply encouraging.
Now that my health is better, what has changed? Are there dangers ahead?
GRATITUDE
I am more grateful, and God is growing within me a far deeper level of gratitude. This is particularly important because I think I had come to take many things for granted. When we lived in Uganda (2013-2015), we were struck by how thankful people were for each new day. At the beginning of the service on our first Christmas morning, the Archdeacon said, ‘Let us thank God that we have all reached another Christmas’. It hadn’t crossed our minds that we might not make it through to Christmas! The sense that life is a gift to treasure is something I want to hold onto. Now that I feel a lot better, it would be so easy to slip back into old habits and attitudes.
I am particularly thankful to my wife, who has been amazing. And I’m also thankful for family and many friends, who have shown their love and support in so many different ways. What a testimony they have been to the enduring love of God.
As I reflect on these past months, I pray that God would continue to grow in me a spirit of thankfulness.
HUMILITY
I hope I have learned greater humility. I have been forced to depend on others for significant periods. I suppose none of us really likes displaying weakness; we would rather be the strong one offering help to others. Having said that, it’s wonderful to be on the receiving end of people’s love and kindness. I have a deepened awareness of how great God is and how small I am. He delights in me and the lessons I am learning are a blessing from him.
FRUITFULNESS
Aging, slowing down, and poor health are not a barrier to our ability to bear fruit. Psalm 92 paints a lovely picture of remaining green and fruitful into old age.
The righteous will flourish like a palm tree,
they will grow like a cedar of Lebanon;
planted in the house of the Lord,
they will flourish in the courts of our God.
They will still bear fruit in old age,
they will stay fresh and green.
Ps 92.12-14
Alice Fryling draws a distinction between fruitfulness and productivity in her book, ‘Aging Faithfully’. It is certainly true that I cannot physically do as much as I once did, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be fruitful. The Holy Spirit is still at work in me as I age, and he still bears fruit in me.
HEAVEN
It’s not surprising that I have thought more about the prospect of heaven and my eternal hope during these past months. There’s a verse in 1 John that’s particularly significant to me.
I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.
1 John 5.13
I learned this verse as a young Christian and it continues to provide me with a powerful reminder of my eternal destiny, my hope that one day I will be in God’s glorious presence forever. One of God’s purposes through his word is to give us an assurance of our future with him; it’s a truth which certainly gets sweeter as I get older.
DANGERS
Now that I have made a good recovery it would be easy to forget all I’ve learned. Life could lose its sense of beauty and wonder in the humdrum of the every day. I confess that, at times, I can be a bit lazy; I find it easy to fritter time away, so I’m praying that these lessons will create a permanent change inside me. I want to remain grateful every day; I believe that being content in Christ is not out of reach, but can be a daily reality.
I intend to seek the Lord each day, with the expectation that he still has work for me to do. One of the great privileges of this stage of life is to support, encourage, and mentor those who are younger—both in my family and in the wider church. I have an earnest desire to experience the joy that the apostle John wrote about in one of his letters.
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
3 John 4
Do I know what’s in store for me? No, but I have a better sense of how to approach the future. After all I’ve gone through, I have a better understanding of his loving purposes.
So, I face the future with confidence, because I know that my God is faithful and good.
He certainly knows what’s best for me.